Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 
“Hey Look, An Update!”

In the words of Monty Python, “I’m not dead yet!” Though thanks to a 24-hour flu bug, more work/fatigue than I’d care to contend with, and watching all 26 episodes of Excel Saga in the past week, I admittedly felt that I was nearing the almost-but-not-quite-dead stage, which isn’t to be mistaken for the supposedly-dead-but-will-reappear-in-two-years-dead you see in soap operas; or for the undead you see in zombie movies; or the dead-but-not-fatal you see the hero suffer in action movies; or the evil dead you see in a Bruce Campbell movie.

The world has gone a bit of the hard-core helter skelter on Mel & I. As of me writing this she’s back in Connecticut not only moving as much of her stuff back up to Canada, but she’s also helping her mother & sisters move out of the old family homestead. Currently I’ve been working many an hour to completely empty out the kiosk I work at, then brace myself for the incoming 100+ boxes of new kitschy swag it’ll now be carrying, and now brace myself for the countless shoplifters who are going to take advantage of our theft-friendly set-up.

But who among you all really cares about that? You’re all no doubt wanting all sorts of fun information on that honeymoon thing. The many rolls of film, once they’re developed, should be able to tell better stories than I in not so many words, but suffice to say Mel & I are now planning on spending a weekend or longer at the Royal York Hotel in Toronto at least twice a year.

Truly, it was an adventure in luxury and ridiculously large suites with more room than either of us knew what to do with. The bedroom was large and spacious by any sort of hotel standard. Of course, when you opened the bedroom door and discovered a large wood-stained meeting table that can comfortably seat 10 people, a fully functional (but alas, unstocked) bar complete with working freezer, display shelves and sinks, plus a sitting area that could handle 8 people, and beyond that another bathroom and sitting area with so much wide open space the hotel staff seemed at a loss as to what other bits of furniture to put there.

For those of you familiar with the gathering sizes, this suite could have fit the entire Fanboys! crew in just half of the space it carried. That’s a lot of luxury to revel in. Funny how Mel & I saw more of the bedroom instead though...

(Oh come on, admit it: you were all expecting at least one “bedroom” remark, if you hadn’t made any sort of innuendo yourselves about it already.)

Mel & I took full advantage of many of the Royal York’s added accommodations, though. Complimentary breakfasts in bed were had...though I was the one who actually bothered getting out of bed to let in the nice man wheeling the table of food into our room. And it’s not often one can call down to room service at 2am and ask for a variety of cheeses, a salad and a club sandwich, so full advantage was taken of that as well. The Sunday night also found the both of us at the health spa, romping around the pool or soaking in the Jacuzzi hot tub (though a slight bit of warning: those jets are strong enough to blast you straight across the tub.)

As for the rest of Toronto...we saw mainly anything that sold books or Anime. Kikiwai, the local Chinatown hotspot for all things Anime, enjoyed doing usual business with us. Namely 2 artbooks, 9 pencil boards and 3 manga tankobans. Combine this with all the books we bought, and it was a successful venture.

Interestingly enough, the Sunday we were there also happened to feature another wedding taking place. How did we know this? Well, the bride’s party running around the hotel lobby getting pictures taken was the first clue. Second was all the fancy set-up in the hotel’s convention area. When you’ve got the entire wedding party staying in some of the Royal York’s suites, and having the ceremony and reception in the convention area...damn, you be rich (or about to be in debt for a lifetime).

I wanted to dress up again and see if we couldn’t sneak into the reception to try the donuts. Mel didn’t seem to share my enthusiasm for the idea.

And then came Niagra Falls. Many of you know the whole tourist angle: see the Falls, see the casino, see the whirlpool, see the Haunted House and watch Mel scream and nearly crush your ribs in her grip. We stayed in the Ramada Inn, located in the Skylon Tower. As a reference point, it’s the white hotel that looks like someone stuck a giant Sunbeam hand mixer in the ground. It made for a unique room set-up though, given how the entire hotel is octagonal. We didn’t get much of a view of the waterfalls, but we did have a magnificent view of anyone sitting around watching television in the hotel rooms across the street from us.

And our floor had a private elevator too! Yay!

Back to the touristy thing. We visited the Horseshoe Falls and took a few pictures. Then we toured beneath the falls and got soaked from all the spray. It was actually quite fun. Though I’m not sure what was more fun: the invigorating spray itself, or seeing Mel giggle and run around like a little kid in the spray as everyone else around realized that when you get this close to a waterfall you get wet, and were running for cover.

We marvelled at the whirlpool. I toured a haunted house with Mel, and discovered that she can actually scream. (Plus that, her grip is sufficient enough to choke even a camel) We also blew a grand total of $5 CDN at Casino Rama. There was one slot machine that wouldn’t let me leave. Not that I was addicted to the one-armed bandits per say; I dropped my quarter-value token into the slot and, having three tries to score some cash, pulled the lever. I lost. I tried for the second time. I won three more chances to score. I tried again. I won five more chances to score. Four more failed chances later, I win another three chances to score. I won no actual cash, but I rather like to think that the slot machine was bored and looking for some good-natured company. It certainly did make me grin as I got a ridiculous amount of free turns.

Yet the highlight of our Niagra Falls trip was the Butterfly Conservatory. Think of a giant greenhouse with hundreds upon hundreds of butterflies flapping about. Watching the butterflies is beautiful. Watching some hapless woman actually freak out and run scared from the butterflies is vastly amusing. I wonder if there’s an actual term for having a phobia of butterflies.

We managed to get a picture of me holding a butterfly, and it wasn’t even through trying. The hapless little guy was perched atop the ledge of a glass plate letting people see the coccoonery, and he wasn’t looking so good. I cupped my palm next to the glass and held it there. Mel told me to stop antagonizing the butterfly. Seconds later the butterfly pitched over the ledge and landed softly in my awaiting hand.

I flashed Mel a triumphant smirk.

She punched me in the shoulder.

As it turned out, the butterfly was having to contend with a number of small ants crawling all over him (and quite possibly trying to either eat him on the spot, or arrange to make him their take-out dinner). So I helped by gently blowing all the ants off the butterfly, and returning him to a nearby tree. It was one of those reaffirming National Geographic moments in life.

The ultimate trick proved getting a picture of Mel with a butterfly in her hair. We spent a good 15 minutes subtly trying to place butterflies in her hair. I now have newfound respect for any sort of butterfly wrangler. They’re easy to get on your hand if you know how (we learned from a pair of obvious butterfly fans), but get them to settle onto your wife’s hair is another matter.

Dejected, I was preparing to leave the conservatory without success. Yet providence smiled down upon me. In the end, a solution presented itself: Mel was busy admitting an Owl Butterfly…and apparently the butterfly was admiring her too. I turned around just in time to see the butterfly take flight, perform a 360 around Mel, and then zoom in right for her head.

It would have landed perfectly atop her hair all of its own accord, had Mel not thrown its plans all awry. She flinched at the last minute. So as a result, instead of a large Owl Butterfly gracefully spreading his wings atop her hair, there was now a large Owl Butterfly happily glomped onto the side of Mel’s face.

Mel was indignant. I’m not sure why; I was so busy laughing that I almost ruined the 3 different pictures I took of her with an overly-amorous butterfly sticking out from the side of her face. We toured the conservatory a few more times, where I enjoyed showing off Mel’s new fashion accessory to the various kids and senior citizens we encountered along the way. Mel blushed and whispered loving & affirming words of violent physical vengeance when it was all over.

Well, it came time to leave the conservatory, but the Owl Butterfly just didn’t want to part ways. So I had to gently shoo him off Mel’s face. The butterfly subsequently thought he could smuggle himself out by posing as part of my backpack. The attempt failed somewhat, considering Owl Butterflies are a greyish-brown, and my backpack’s a deep blue. So we shooed him from my backpack. The butterfly then glomped back onto Mel, this time latching onto her arm as if to protest our leaving him.

In a final attempt to help the butterfly understand, I whispered to it a recipe for Owl Butterfly Soufflé I’d recently found. The butterfly quickly returned to a nearby tree. This makes me wonder how many more butterflies are going to glomp my wife the next time we visit. I might need a net. Or some of whatever pheromones she’s carrying.

There are a number of other things, some quirky, some poignant in a not-so-poignant way, but the hour grows late and I’m still wishing I had another few days off work to recover from everything. In the meantime, I leave you with…

Today’s Lesson: Owl Butterflies are a very aggressive species of butterfly, and apparently are not shy about initiating inter-species dating.

Today's Quote: "Dammit, I lost my pen in the pile of monkey heads again!"


posted by Phillip at 2:34 PM

 
Leaking Like A Seive

There's a reason I don't pick Belfast, one of the family Shih-tzu's, up in my arms regularly. He gets overexcited easily. And the level of overexcitement he has is inversely-proportional to how much bladder control he can exercise.

The sleeve of my shirt now has a funky scent. It's a good thing I'm planning on doing laundry tonight anyways. I'm sure it's Belfast's special way of showing me how much he loves and adores me. I just wish he'd show it in other, more drier ways.

Today's Lesson: perhaps "Puddles" would have been a more appropriate name for a dog who automatically pees whenever all his legs are lifted off the ground.


posted by Phillip at 3:10 PM